I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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