you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We left the knife in your bed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
