NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize