He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
