We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was not drunk enough for that final.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
