I will die if light touches me.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My vagina just recognized that song.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
