I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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