HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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