If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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