I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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