I can tuck mytits in my pants
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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