I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
