You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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