if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
