i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
