He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
