I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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