Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
