There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
