you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize