So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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