I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
