Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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