you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
