The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
