I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
