I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
