but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
