my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i came on her dog
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
