He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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