Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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