Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
