i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
