Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
