I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
