Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
