im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
