You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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