I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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