I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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