They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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