I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize