You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
