you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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