If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
