The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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