He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Found your dick twin last night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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