I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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