Who wears a wallet chain?!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
