I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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