Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
