return my video game
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
