Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
