she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
