Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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