it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
