I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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