Well douche your snatch and let's go!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
