champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
