Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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