8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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