Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
