Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
