I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
