can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
