he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
