did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
