Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
