I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
