She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
