butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
