I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
