No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
