I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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