I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
50% drunk capacity currently
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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