his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Someone stole a lamp last night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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