Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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