I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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